SWU Spring Semseter 08

Love and the different forms...

2008-04-26T11:00:00.000-07:00

Something I found interesting in our recent study on Love and Romantic relationships is the way we treat other of the opposite sex directly relates to our concept of love.

I am beginning to realize that I treat my guy friends like brothers, making fun of them, but always careful to be respectful. If I cross a line, I apologize.

When I imagine a guy actually asking me out, I automatically assume he would come to me in a serious, dedicated way. He would be seriously considering the timing of asking me out, place, and how I felt about him. If a guy friend of mine is just teasing and saying he would like to go out with me, I ignore him or if he is persistant, blow him off.

Hopefully this has not hurt any of my guy friends who view a relationship as more Lutus love. Whenever a guy approaches me in a teasing way I just treat them like I treat my brothers. A bit of sarcasm, a bit of frusteration, a bit of wit, anything they dish out I'd dish right back.

Friends and family

2008-04-02T21:00:00.000-07:00

What happens between the time you are a college student and a married independant adult? There has to be some kind of middle ground where the parents are able to let go and the child learns how to handle relationships on his or her own...

I feel frusterated when my parents ask after my grades or if I have been eating at the right times. I love both of them very much but I feel quite childish if they ask after these things. I wonder if my perception is just colored by my own adversion to being treated like a child.

Obviously, there is some type of emotional response that both parents and children have to work through as they move out of the house, go to college or get married. A sense of loss, dispair, frusteration, lonliness and general unsettledness might decend upon a persons sub-conscious.

When is it easy to have a transition? Or are emotional transitions part of everyday life?

Emotions and expressions

2008-03-31T18:06:00.000-07:00

This last week has been amazing as far as emotional expression goes. The chapter has helped me so much in my own life as some of my friends have all decided to have a bad week!

Emotionally expressing dissatisfaction with a relationship one of my girlfriends has with a particular boy, getting angry at a friend for not understanding a Godly principle, and having another disclose some personal information that I had no business commenting on but felt led by God to be honest.

The first one, a girl/boy dillemma. I found myself having to constantly shut my opinionated mouth as a rather abnoxious boy pulled my friend in, more than once, towards a frusteratingly unhealthy conversation. So many times I just wanted to shout, "Stop talking to him!" but had to be quiet due to not knowing if the relationship could handle the honesty. At best, it feels to me like a tenuous relationship so I have no idea if any out-right honesty is even a good idea.

The second one happened today as a very mature Christian friend of mine. She mentioned something about a spiritual gift that I had recieved but she didn't know about it. I found myself about to tell her like 5 times in our conversation! But I realized that this form of honesty needed to be kept to myself for her benefit.

And thirdly, last night, an (unnamed for protection, and the fact I didn't ask...) friend mentioned he/she had broken up with a significant other and he/she stated most eloquently: "I just feel like there is this gaping hole left. I just want someone to love me." It was by far the most amazingly honest thing a person could ever say. I was stunned and my heart just went out to the person because all of us feel the same way! Even God probally feels this! Why else would He take such delight in creating us to love Him?! I felt as if I needed to fill that void with encouraging words but then I was stopped short by a gentle prodding by the Holy Spirit.
"But, you know, it's a God shaped hole." I said as gently as I could. The person lifted their head and smiled a little bit but was obviously still in a lot of pain.
"I know."

Movie Project

2008-03-31T18:03:00.000-07:00

Christina: Pirates of the Carribbean

Nonverbal communication

2008-03-17T20:21:00.000-07:00

Being in the school play (Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat) has helped me see the benefit of non-verbal communication. Seeing that others are constantly watching you on the stage means you have to be totally into your character. If I budged a girly way I would reveal my true self. Melanie Rowel looked at Melissa Heck and I standing in front of her out of costume and shook her head.
"I am amazed we were able to make you two beautiful girls into nasty men! Next time we should do a play that you all can be real girls!"

After checking with a couple of people after the first performance about my actions, I realized I was giving away the fact I am a girl in real life. When we had to do some of the gestures, my movements were fluid and poised. I had to find a way to become sharp and defined without seeming fluid and dancerlike.

After fixing these movements I became a lot more believable as a boy and increased my awareness of nonverbal communications.

Miscommunications and Abstraction language

2008-02-20T17:52:00.000-08:00

One thing I have noticed about my words lately is that they are full of abstract language. Sentences like,
"He always does this," or "She never gets anything right!" are two forms of abstract language that have very lately come from my mouth.

I need to start developing a form of communication that is free from these abstractions and yet specific towards a perticular problem. If there is a missed opportunity and a frusteration, it's usually equated to that other person's inner problems. If I do the same thing, it's because of an outside influence. (Fundamental Attribution Error)

Lately I've tried to assume the best if a person is late, attribute that persons lateness to some outside force rather than inside, and then move on to more clarifing language after listening carefully to the persons response. Who knew interpersonal communication would take so much work!

Language and communication

2008-02-11T18:21:00.000-08:00

Communicating love:

The way 2 different people groups communicate through love.

Some people take love to mean only romantic interest. Attention, time, flowers, kisses, hugs, candy, sweet notes and loving touches are all ways that Americans show love to one another. The words: "I love you." are heavily weighted in meaning for Americans. It can mean: "I'm interested in knowing more about you" (boyfriend to girlfriend), "I want you to know how much I can sacrifice for you" (a parent to their child) "I'm taking care of you and everything is alright (caretaker to a child) "I will miss being in your presence" (a friend to a friend). Each time this is said generally means the person who is saying it is getting closer emotionally or physically to the reciever.

To touch others seems to be the first choice for a majority of Americans' ways of communicating love. If a person is upset, most good friends would first touch that person to find out if they are okay. The friend might make different choices on a plan of action but almost all good American friends would first establish a touch connection with the person.

But in China to touch someone else is not a way to show love nessairally. To touch someone else, you show community, establish someone to lean on, push your way through a crowd, or butt into the other persons life and personal matters. To show love is to (by American standards) force your way into their lives. Constantly I am being asked by Chinese friends if I have a boyfriend. When they find out I don't, their next assumation is that it is their job to find me one. One friend of mine went so far as to send for a husband for me overseas! My future husband is waiting for me in China HA! I think not!

That is just one example of the loving a community can do in 2 different cultures. I wonder what other cultures do to show love!?

Personal Perception

2008-02-03T15:10:00.000-08:00

Working with people is something I love to do. Working with Sin nature is something I hate to do.

Unfourtunately, these jobs go hand in hand. If anyone believes people are inherently good, one must visit my 3-year-old class of boys on Wednesdays.

In this class you will discover that man is by nature, inherently sinful and restless for all kinds of evil!! (that is putting it very dramatically, but I do have a point to make here)

When we have Bible time, all the boys have to sit in a circle and listen attentively for the teacher to teach about God. Whilst this teaching is going on, one suddenly gets an itch that he just can not sit any longer... So, Paul heaves a loud sigh, jumps up on top of his chair and announces to the teacher he is just not in a mood for a Bible lesson today, but to check back in with him later. Then he launched himself off the chair, manly struts over to a wall behind the astounded teacher and curls up in a small ball of blond curls and a disengaged air about him.

Jessie, my friend, looks at me as if to say, "You got him." and then calmly continues the lesson.

So, I stoop next to him and try to see things through his perception, excited to put the stuff learned in Interpersonal Comm. class to the test.

Pauls viewpoint:
1. I am the world, so the world revolves around me
2. I came to this class not on my own will, so I really don't have to partisipate.
3. I can do what ever I want
4. Lets see if they make me do what they want!

So after assessing these possibilities according to his behavior, I resolved to clearly communicate through my newly learned IP skills.

I had babysat for this kid before, but only once. He had a string of babysitters and we ended up with an I-It kinda relationship. But he did talk to me and he had known I was fair to him but didn't let him get out of line.

After asking him if there was anything wrong, I went on to request that he sit in his chair like the rest of the class. I reasoned that he might get distracted over by the wall and he needed to not distract the others. Plus, he might not be able to listen very well.

His big blue eyes looked up at me so innocently, and then he said, "I can hear just fine from right here!"

Clear communication or not, this kid was smart! After a time I did convince him to go back and the rest of the story was enjoyed.

Cross Cultural Communication 2

2008-01-31T18:34:00.000-08:00

"Did you already eat?" I asked in his dialect from the doorway.

The Asian man turned from his computer and looked at me funny. "Did I what?" He responded in his dialect.

"Did you want some more to eat?"

"Did I WHAT?" He said looking mildly condecending and yet utterly confused.

I sighed. "Uh, didyah eat yet?!" I said in English with my American accent. It took a minute for this to sink in. He interpreted my previous phrases (which were apparantly incorrect.) corrected the grammar, and then laughed.

"Oh, no, I'm fine."

Wow, the simplest question can be misinterpreted according to Grammar, tone and pitch of your voice, and mix up of actual words. Plus problems in cultural differences. Maybe I shouldn't have been asking if he had eaten yet. Maybe I should have just given him another bowl and said "eat, eat, eat." a common phrase in Chinese. Who knows. Hopefully will be an easier way to communicate after I have lived in their country for some time!

Interpersonal Communications in America

2008-01-29T08:00:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm starting to realize how much I.P. communications effect my everyday life. During conversations with internationals I'm very aware of cultural differences in the conversations and am careful to avoid cultural taboos. In American society is where I'm finding a problem with my communication skills.

Take for example in class this last period: I didn't like the personality test and rather blatantly, I said so. Hum, this did not make me a fan of fellow students. Some of them reacted negatively towards my honesty, some mildly annoyed and a strange feeling of "why can't you just blend in" sort of hit me. Then I shook it off. I resolved to find a nicer and more informative way to start saying things. (I am truly sorry for those I offended, though, I did not intend to hurt you all)

I felt rather strongly about this test because I have invested so much time and energy analyzing myself and others reactions toward me. I know a lot of my strengths, as well as weaknesses. I have identified them and ran towards mending the gaps. You see, I have Learning Disabilities. This affects my interpersonal communications in ways most people don't realize. Because I have a God given confidence, (and speak several languages, as well as love performing in plays and stuff) many people assume I'm just a normal kid with above average communication skills.

I'm not some normal kid. I failed math several times over and even now have an intense hatred toward the subject. I mess up a lot in communication because the facts get scrambled in my head and I hit a wall. I get frustrated easily if something doesn't fit in my ideas of things. God continues to work in my heart as well as my mind, but it's a "journey" as they keep saying in chappel. It won't happen all at once.

Thank you all for your patience and understanding. I hope this class draws us closer to Christ as well as to each other.

Cross Cultural Communication

2008-01-22T09:29:00.000-08:00

Communication...
What happens when the person you are communicating to cannot communicate back clearly?This is the case of a 2 year old Asian boy I was babysitting for these last two days. He understands what I am saying in Chinese, but he cannot communicate back to me except by repeating words and phrases that I ask him.

"Do you want a drink?"
"Drink?" comes the reply in his little high pitched voice.

"Do you want something to eat?"
"Eat?"

"Are you cold?"
"Don't want it."

And so the conversation goes. I start to wonder if anything is going to be communicated. Suddenly the child runs toward the bathroom and shouts out
"Niu niu!" which means... well, you can probably guess. Cross cultural communication is a very tricky thing. One must communicate the words correctly in the other language however, there is a cultural element to it as well. No matter how well a person communicates the words, if one does not understand the cultural meaning behind the words, the communicated words are useless.

By the way, he has a new baby brother!
Weight: 7 pounds 5oz
time: 12:00pm
Name: Fang Zhou.

I am a ________ person...

2008-01-16T15:34:00.000-08:00

Assignment 1: I am a _______ person and why.

I am a dramatic person. I'm not sure exactly why but I firmly believe God has created me that way. When I was a child I would often ask, "What are you feeling? Are you sad, are you happy, do you cry?" and then I would try to mimic those emotions to others. I also used to stand on the laundry basket and sing at the top of my lungs. When I was 9 years old I wrote, directed and acted my own play. I have participated in drama since I was 4 years old and loved every minute on a stage.