Something I found interesting in our recent study on Love and Romantic relationships is the way we treat other of the opposite sex directly relates to our concept of love.
I am beginning to realize that I treat my guy friends like brothers, making fun of them, but always careful to be respectful. If I cross a line, I apologize.
When I imagine a guy actually asking me out, I automatically assume he would come to me in a serious, dedicated way. He would be seriously considering the timing of asking me out, place, and how I felt about him. If a guy friend of mine is just teasing and saying he would like to go out with me, I ignore him or if he is persistant, blow him off.
Hopefully this has not hurt any of my guy friends who view a relationship as more Lutus love. Whenever a guy approaches me in a teasing way I just treat them like I treat my brothers. A bit of sarcasm, a bit of frusteration, a bit of wit, anything they dish out I'd dish right back.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Friends and family
What happens between the time you are a college student and a married independant adult? There has to be some kind of middle ground where the parents are able to let go and the child learns how to handle relationships on his or her own...
I feel frusterated when my parents ask after my grades or if I have been eating at the right times. I love both of them very much but I feel quite childish if they ask after these things. I wonder if my perception is just colored by my own adversion to being treated like a child.
Obviously, there is some type of emotional response that both parents and children have to work through as they move out of the house, go to college or get married. A sense of loss, dispair, frusteration, lonliness and general unsettledness might decend upon a persons sub-conscious.
When is it easy to have a transition? Or are emotional transitions part of everyday life?
I feel frusterated when my parents ask after my grades or if I have been eating at the right times. I love both of them very much but I feel quite childish if they ask after these things. I wonder if my perception is just colored by my own adversion to being treated like a child.
Obviously, there is some type of emotional response that both parents and children have to work through as they move out of the house, go to college or get married. A sense of loss, dispair, frusteration, lonliness and general unsettledness might decend upon a persons sub-conscious.
When is it easy to have a transition? Or are emotional transitions part of everyday life?
Monday, March 31, 2008
Emotions and expressions
This last week has been amazing as far as emotional expression goes. The chapter has helped me so much in my own life as some of my friends have all decided to have a bad week!
Emotionally expressing dissatisfaction with a relationship one of my girlfriends has with a particular boy, getting angry at a friend for not understanding a Godly principle, and having another disclose some personal information that I had no business commenting on but felt led by God to be honest.
The first one, a girl/boy dillemma. I found myself having to constantly shut my opinionated mouth as a rather abnoxious boy pulled my friend in, more than once, towards a frusteratingly unhealthy conversation. So many times I just wanted to shout, "Stop talking to him!" but had to be quiet due to not knowing if the relationship could handle the honesty. At best, it feels to me like a tenuous relationship so I have no idea if any out-right honesty is even a good idea.
The second one happened today as a very mature Christian friend of mine. She mentioned something about a spiritual gift that I had recieved but she didn't know about it. I found myself about to tell her like 5 times in our conversation! But I realized that this form of honesty needed to be kept to myself for her benefit.
And thirdly, last night, an (unnamed for protection, and the fact I didn't ask...) friend mentioned he/she had broken up with a significant other and he/she stated most eloquently: "I just feel like there is this gaping hole left. I just want someone to love me." It was by far the most amazingly honest thing a person could ever say. I was stunned and my heart just went out to the person because all of us feel the same way! Even God probally feels this! Why else would He take such delight in creating us to love Him?! I felt as if I needed to fill that void with encouraging words but then I was stopped short by a gentle prodding by the Holy Spirit.
"But, you know, it's a God shaped hole." I said as gently as I could. The person lifted their head and smiled a little bit but was obviously still in a lot of pain.
"I know."
Emotionally expressing dissatisfaction with a relationship one of my girlfriends has with a particular boy, getting angry at a friend for not understanding a Godly principle, and having another disclose some personal information that I had no business commenting on but felt led by God to be honest.
The first one, a girl/boy dillemma. I found myself having to constantly shut my opinionated mouth as a rather abnoxious boy pulled my friend in, more than once, towards a frusteratingly unhealthy conversation. So many times I just wanted to shout, "Stop talking to him!" but had to be quiet due to not knowing if the relationship could handle the honesty. At best, it feels to me like a tenuous relationship so I have no idea if any out-right honesty is even a good idea.
The second one happened today as a very mature Christian friend of mine. She mentioned something about a spiritual gift that I had recieved but she didn't know about it. I found myself about to tell her like 5 times in our conversation! But I realized that this form of honesty needed to be kept to myself for her benefit.
And thirdly, last night, an (unnamed for protection, and the fact I didn't ask...) friend mentioned he/she had broken up with a significant other and he/she stated most eloquently: "I just feel like there is this gaping hole left. I just want someone to love me." It was by far the most amazingly honest thing a person could ever say. I was stunned and my heart just went out to the person because all of us feel the same way! Even God probally feels this! Why else would He take such delight in creating us to love Him?! I felt as if I needed to fill that void with encouraging words but then I was stopped short by a gentle prodding by the Holy Spirit.
"But, you know, it's a God shaped hole." I said as gently as I could. The person lifted their head and smiled a little bit but was obviously still in a lot of pain.
"I know."
Monday, March 17, 2008
Nonverbal communication
Being in the school play (Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat) has helped me see the benefit of non-verbal communication. Seeing that others are constantly watching you on the stage means you have to be totally into your character. If I budged a girly way I would reveal my true self. Melanie Rowel looked at Melissa Heck and I standing in front of her out of costume and shook her head.
"I am amazed we were able to make you two beautiful girls into nasty men! Next time we should do a play that you all can be real girls!"
After checking with a couple of people after the first performance about my actions, I realized I was giving away the fact I am a girl in real life. When we had to do some of the gestures, my movements were fluid and poised. I had to find a way to become sharp and defined without seeming fluid and dancerlike.
After fixing these movements I became a lot more believable as a boy and increased my awareness of nonverbal communications.
"I am amazed we were able to make you two beautiful girls into nasty men! Next time we should do a play that you all can be real girls!"
After checking with a couple of people after the first performance about my actions, I realized I was giving away the fact I am a girl in real life. When we had to do some of the gestures, my movements were fluid and poised. I had to find a way to become sharp and defined without seeming fluid and dancerlike.
After fixing these movements I became a lot more believable as a boy and increased my awareness of nonverbal communications.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Miscommunications and Abstraction language
One thing I have noticed about my words lately is that they are full of abstract language. Sentences like,
"He always does this," or "She never gets anything right!" are two forms of abstract language that have very lately come from my mouth.
I need to start developing a form of communication that is free from these abstractions and yet specific towards a perticular problem. If there is a missed opportunity and a frusteration, it's usually equated to that other person's inner problems. If I do the same thing, it's because of an outside influence. (Fundamental Attribution Error)
Lately I've tried to assume the best if a person is late, attribute that persons lateness to some outside force rather than inside, and then move on to more clarifing language after listening carefully to the persons response. Who knew interpersonal communication would take so much work!
"He always does this," or "She never gets anything right!" are two forms of abstract language that have very lately come from my mouth.
I need to start developing a form of communication that is free from these abstractions and yet specific towards a perticular problem. If there is a missed opportunity and a frusteration, it's usually equated to that other person's inner problems. If I do the same thing, it's because of an outside influence. (Fundamental Attribution Error)
Lately I've tried to assume the best if a person is late, attribute that persons lateness to some outside force rather than inside, and then move on to more clarifing language after listening carefully to the persons response. Who knew interpersonal communication would take so much work!
Monday, February 11, 2008
Language and communication
Communicating love:
The way 2 different people groups communicate through love.
Some people take love to mean only romantic interest. Attention, time, flowers, kisses, hugs, candy, sweet notes and loving touches are all ways that Americans show love to one another. The words: "I love you." are heavily weighted in meaning for Americans. It can mean: "I'm interested in knowing more about you" (boyfriend to girlfriend), "I want you to know how much I can sacrifice for you" (a parent to their child) "I'm taking care of you and everything is alright (caretaker to a child) "I will miss being in your presence" (a friend to a friend). Each time this is said generally means the person who is saying it is getting closer emotionally or physically to the reciever.
To touch others seems to be the first choice for a majority of Americans' ways of communicating love. If a person is upset, most good friends would first touch that person to find out if they are okay. The friend might make different choices on a plan of action but almost all good American friends would first establish a touch connection with the person.
But in China to touch someone else is not a way to show love nessairally. To touch someone else, you show community, establish someone to lean on, push your way through a crowd, or butt into the other persons life and personal matters. To show love is to (by American standards) force your way into their lives. Constantly I am being asked by Chinese friends if I have a boyfriend. When they find out I don't, their next assumation is that it is their job to find me one. One friend of mine went so far as to send for a husband for me overseas! My future husband is waiting for me in China HA! I think not!
That is just one example of the loving a community can do in 2 different cultures. I wonder what other cultures do to show love!?
The way 2 different people groups communicate through love.
Some people take love to mean only romantic interest. Attention, time, flowers, kisses, hugs, candy, sweet notes and loving touches are all ways that Americans show love to one another. The words: "I love you." are heavily weighted in meaning for Americans. It can mean: "I'm interested in knowing more about you" (boyfriend to girlfriend), "I want you to know how much I can sacrifice for you" (a parent to their child) "I'm taking care of you and everything is alright (caretaker to a child) "I will miss being in your presence" (a friend to a friend). Each time this is said generally means the person who is saying it is getting closer emotionally or physically to the reciever.
To touch others seems to be the first choice for a majority of Americans' ways of communicating love. If a person is upset, most good friends would first touch that person to find out if they are okay. The friend might make different choices on a plan of action but almost all good American friends would first establish a touch connection with the person.
But in China to touch someone else is not a way to show love nessairally. To touch someone else, you show community, establish someone to lean on, push your way through a crowd, or butt into the other persons life and personal matters. To show love is to (by American standards) force your way into their lives. Constantly I am being asked by Chinese friends if I have a boyfriend. When they find out I don't, their next assumation is that it is their job to find me one. One friend of mine went so far as to send for a husband for me overseas! My future husband is waiting for me in China HA! I think not!
That is just one example of the loving a community can do in 2 different cultures. I wonder what other cultures do to show love!?
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